my son josh is now 22, he was diagnosed with duchenne muscular dystrophy and mild autism when he was 5. hes been in his chair for 17 yrs now. my husband and i divorced when he was 2. his dad has never really been in the picture. my family and his family never did and still dont understand what DMD is all about. they have all gone on with their lives and have left us to do this alone.i have been both mom and dad to him his whole life. i receive no outside help. and the one time i did ask the lady acted like i was lazy because i wanted someone else to do some of his care. i am to the point i have no other reason to live but for him. if i could find him good care i might just leave this earth to get out of this isolation. i have a  van that is in such bad shape it only runs when it feels like it. i have been stranded at the store (the only place i go) so many times. the lift jumps off track  so josh doesnt go anywhere. we live about a mile out of city limits so the city bus is no help. our community is not disabled friendly or aware, i have found out. but i cant afford to move. we live on his disability right now because i am terrified to leave him alone longer than an hour at a time. i have written so many letters not asking for a hand out but maybe some ideas that we could use. no one cares. even our own beloved governor or president would not even respond. we have been lost in the shuffle somewhere. this is no life for a young man to live. look at all thats been thrown at him already. we are treated like second class citizens  but there is no help out there for us. i never dreamed things would turn out this bad for us. ive always been an upbeat person and very independent. but im getting old and i neglected my health taking care of his. ive needed a hysterectomy for years, but i had no one that would help out for me to have the surgery so now we are waiting to see if its turned to cancer. i tried to talk to my exhusband but he wont do anything. my son is a very intelligent handsome giving person. he tells me its ok, but its not. i know he is my blessing but i feel like ive failed him, how do i give him a better quality of life? and how do i convince myself to keep living mine?